We’ve all been guilty of doing this type of thing.
In one sentence, we rationalize, accommodate, and negate all of our previous experiences. We go on for 5 minutes describing all our troubles and then negate it with a simple “but I’m FINE.”
The first step is to speak your truth. Are you really fine? What does “fine” even mean? Does “fine” mean that you stuff the feelings associated with all the negative things for just a few minutes to get through it, but in reality, the stress of everything shows up in other ways (e.g. drugs, eating, alcohol, gambling, shopping, porn, sex, anger, etc.)?
Maybe “fine” means that you acknowledge all the difficulties going on in your life, but that you also acknowledge that there are some pretty good things too (e.g. good health, satisfied relationships, a good friend, money, etc.). If this is the case, why not devote some attention to these instead of swiping it under the broad category of “fine.”
Of course you remember F I N E
F ouled Up
What are the things that are “fine”? The positives can often be great teachers for the negatives. How you get to the positives in one area of life, it can teach you how to get to the negatives in other areas of your life. Whatever “fine” means, speak your truth. If something is difficult, sit with the difficulty, acknowledge it by name, and describe it.
You don’t have to live in the pain, but you also don’t have to deny it. It’s easy to jump from situation to situation without taking time to realize what is going on. Life happens. We’re betrayed. We’re lied to. A loved one dies. We’re fired. Where we get into trouble is that we ignore all these hardships and say things are “fine,” but then the hardships show up in ways that we didn’t realize. They show up in our relationships, in our anger, in our impatience, how we talk to other people, and more importantly, how we talk to ourselves.
Speak your truth from both the positive and negative perspective. The balance comes in asking ourselves, “How can I effectively navigate and deal with all the stressors in my life, while still realizing, appreciating, and savoring all that is going well?
It’s hard to acknowledge the hardships because once we acknowledge what is happening, it’s out in the open. And when it’s out there, we often feel like we have to do something about it. However, it often takes time to realize what to do. There are things that can help though, such as journaling or talking to a trusted friend or coach; learning how to trust God with an active and vital faith. Whatever path you choose, let your truth drive you through it all – truth in your experience; truth in your difficulties; truth in your accomplishments.
The truth will set you free, but you have to endure the labor pains of birthing it by facing it. What is the truth that you need to speak? How can you begin to effectively deal with that truth? More importantly, how can you be patient through the process of birthing the truth?
The Truth already exists in God… but if you evade your personal truth through denial, pretending and other tactics, the Truth will have difficulty setting you free.
John 8:31-32 The Passion Translation
“Jesus said to those Jews who believed in him, When you continue to embrace all that I teach, you prove that you are my true followers. 32 For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives.”
Sources: Psy. Today/BH/Passion Translation