Being comfortably numb, as the Pink Floyd song tells us, used to be the way I lived my entire life. Quite comfortably numb. With whatever substance I could get my hands on.
It started off as “recreation”. Just having fun…. not really. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family environment. Mom alcoholic, dad, numb in his own way… detached, especially from us as kids.
I was traumatized by the terror and fear of it all… never knowing what was going to happen next. So saying I never want to be like either one of them, as soon as I could, I started drinking, and detaching. (The effects of judgement). My goal… numbness. Escape reality.
This pathway turned into addiction. I was a professional alcoholic, escape artist, and proud of it. It would take to the age of 30 to stop. All that time having no sense of identity, no social skills, relations skills what so ever . How can you when your numbed out all the time?
So I dragged all that dysfunction into my sober life… it took a failed marriage, starting and losing a business, to surrender my life to God at 35. No longer numb, I was uncomfortable, but now learning how to live my life as a genuine, and supremely imperfect human being.
Then came the rest of my life… never needing to be numb like that again. When you discover God, find purpose, joy, peace, you don’t need to escape life and become numb. You want to experience the awesome reality of God more and more. That doesn’t mean there aren’t times you still want to escape when it gets hard… but God always brings you back.