Emotional Intelligence – Developing Your Authentic Self

A substantial part of Emotional Intelligence, is founded in Emotional Stability; knowing who you are and having confidence in who you are.  If you don’t know who you are, much through the exercising of your EIQ, you will likely try and be someone else.

Of course also foundationally,  God is essential to knowing one’s self, as we are created by God with built in purpose. We do better to discover this from the inside out, but all too often we try to accomplish this knowing of ourselves from “the outside in.” Meaning, we look for approval, acceptance, accolades, position, etc. to validate our worth.  This will always lead to a dead end in self discovery and development of our EIQ.  


 Because these things are things you do basically, they are not who you are.  Yet we vie for these things out of our broken interiors, leading us to a lower EIQ and SIQ. Depending on temperament, this will manifest in a multitude of different weaknesses. Insecurities of many types, self hatred, addictions, fear, all contributing to the “false self”.  As Brennan Manning puts it, “we create a false self so that everyone will admire us, but no one will know us.”

I had a great meeting today with my young friend, Matt Donofrio.  We talked about this in terms of his generation discovering their purpose.  I cited that for the past 20 years or so, the younger generation has been labeled as things like “Generation-X” or “Gen-X.”  Referring to people who sign their name with an “X” because they don’t know who they are, let alone discovering purpose.

Since Matt has discovered God in his life, and subsequent purpose, I told him he is a “forerunner” in leading his peers, not with ego or pride, but humility, into a place of discovering their purpose.  And in terms of business, his business has increased exponentially, since abandoning the  “striving to meet my potential” model, for the “I started walking in my purpose” model.

Furthermore, I quoted Jason Upton, who said, ” If you want to be “relevant”, (seeking fame, power, recognition, etc.), you will never be a forerunner… leading the way.  And beyond that, you will never discover your purpose, because you have veered off to performance orientation, destination orientation, peer pleasing, and needing edification, recognition, etc. to make up for the deficit  of not knowing your genuine self.

All this leads to Emotional Intelligence.  There is a vast difference between “knowing” something intellectually, and “knowing ” something, in the heart.  When you focus on the inside first, knowing temperament, and clearing out the baggage that actually in many cases drives you to perform, you discover that you live more out of your genuine self, making you free to “be” and “become” who you were meant to be.


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