Social and emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of our own and others’ feelings – in the moment – and use that information to lead yourself and others (Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence).
Through his studies psychologist and author Daniel Goleman found out that emotional intelligence (EI) approximately means twice as much as your IQ in an ordinary job. For leaders, 85% of their results are related to EIQ, while only 15% of the results origins from the IQ.
It does not mean that your IQ is not important; it can be considered the ticket to the show of success, at least in terms of placement. But longevity and prosperity are dependent on the the other factors.
Social and emotional intelligence consists of four elements, which can be categorized into personal and social skills.
The personal competencies (emotional intelligence) determine how we manage ourselves and consist of:
1. Self-awareness – knowing your internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions. Expressed and wanted scores in the 3 temperament areas of Inclusion, Control and Affection.
2. Self-management – managing one’s internal states, impulses and resources.
The social competencies determine how we handle relationships, and consist of:
3. Social awareness – awareness of others’ feelings, needs and concerns. (Inclusion)
4. Social skills / relationship management – ability to create desirable responses in others.
Refer to the illustration above.
Points with an asterisk are the 14 most important competencies for a leader.
The good news is you can increase your social and emotional intelligence.
By becoming aware of the areas where your EIQ and SIQ’s are low, you can grow in higher social and emotional intelligence. You can do this for example by getting feedback from colleagues or a coach and by practicing in areas where your skills are more limited. You can often use your strengths as a lever for your improvement areas, and transforming your weaknesses to strengths.
Awareness and understanding of temperament will be crucial for this to take place.
Temperament is the plumb line element in understanding strengths, weaknesses, and propensities. This need for understanding why we do what we do was even reflected by the apostle Paul in the Book of Romans, ch.7. He was certainly referring to a spiritual reality that he saw is natural man desiring one thing and his spirit man desiring something else. But his specific temperament reality will have played into the specifics of those desires . (He was likely Choleric in at least one area).
Therefore, it is crucial that you learn to break old patterns and establish new ones, which requires time, sustained focus, accountability and mentorship of some kind. Using a variety of coaching tools can enhance the process, but it also requires a strong personal commitment.
As always, it is equally important to pay attention the the moral compass reality that we have mentioned in earlier posts. All of our EI issues are filtered through our internal compass. The compass directs our outward reality from the inside. We may or may not be operating out of a genuine internal reality and just try to “succeed” externally. If this is the case, and we are operating out of a false self, we will find that our EIQ is not accurate or genuine.
Working regularly with a mentor, coach or counselor will help you navigate into a increased UIQ and SIQ, as long as you have a focused intentionality. It won’t happen all by itself.