Running

You have probably heard me share before, “no matter where you go, there you are.”

I learned this personally many years ago when I tried to run to California not once but twice when I was younger and looking for “something”.  I didn’t know what it was I was looking for, but I knew I was bored, unhappy, nothing was working for me…

The problem was that I thought the changes I needed were external, I didn’t realize the problem was me. I dreamed of how “when I got to California”, I would be able to do this and that”.  The reality was I did none of those things because I was the same me when I got here. I didn’t need a geographical change, I needed a heart change.

I didn’t realize that it was me who needed to change, not where I lived.  So when I went back to NJ, it took 2 more years before I would quit drinking, and start the actual life journey that I was always intended to. I had to lose my license a second time to begin to have my eyes opened, fortunately.  After I was sober a while I became very grateful to the state of NJ for opening my eyes by not allowing me to drive unless I actually dealt with my problem

So all this indicates me running all this time.  I was running away from myself, God, anything that was Truth, running towards, hiding, covering up, blaming, irresponsibility. Soon I would learn that what I was looking for was at my disposal all the time.  God was always there, I just didn’t see Him.  When I turned to Him, he filled up my emptiness, and I was able to begin living on my purpose.

When I came to California this time, it is now a continuation of my purpose being lived out, not running away.

BH

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