The problem with living in the effects of developmental trauma, is that living that way becomes like old. worn in, comfortable shoes. Even though they are falling apart at the seams, we keep wearing them. They are the coping mechanisms, codependent behaviors, fears, and cyclical behavior patterns that have worn themselves into the fiber of our being, and dictate our current behaviors, and perceptions of ourselves and others.
And somehow, we think that we can move on in life, and have normal healthy relationships, without dealing with this emotional baggage. We keep on the comfortable shoes even though they are falling apart, we cope and hope, survive, and develop entire ways of living that are inauthentic, cyclical, and destructive. Depending on temperament we may be perpetual victims, blamers, retaliatory, aloof, angry, fearful, addicted, etc.
The only way to move forward in a healthy pathway is to deal with the emotional trauma head on and effectively, so that our patterns of behavior in relationships can be exposed, judgements released, forgiveness extended, and thus acquiring the freedom to be and become who we are genuinely.