Insecurities Part 1

Understanding the motivating factors that influence your behavior and that of others is an essential part of life. People suffer from insecurities (self-doubt, lack of confidence or assurance), which heavily influence behavior. The skill of recognizing your own and other people’s insecurities will ultimately benefit you, any situation, and relationship. Awareness and recognition is the first step toward creating change. It will help to increase your awareness about insecurities, which can increase your efforts to grow and be more understanding of others.

Evaluate your self-talk. Do you pay attention to the constant conversation going on in your own head? Self-talk is either productive and positive, or negative, and detrimental to your well-being. Focusing on your self-determined negative qualities will keep you in a state of insecurity. Harshly judging yourself does no good for anyone.

  • Avoid harshly judging yourself because it produces an unfair representation of you. Picking on yourself is detrimental to your mood, motivation and outlook on life.
  • Look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself three things you like about yourself. The more you point out the positive, the more likely it is that you will build confidence and hush your insecure self-talk.
  • Your negative self-talk may make it difficult for you to speak up for yourself. Positive self-talk will build your ability to speak up for yourself. Remember your were designed and created with purpose.

Address social situations. There are certain social situations that cause people to feel anxious and insecure, especially due to temperament.  Perhaps you struggle to mingle in social situations, talking in front of others or walking down the main hall at school. Sometimes when people don’t feel confident or well-versed in a skill, they can feel unsure. The good news is, you can learn to identify and resolve these issues by taking your thoughts, feelings and emotions captive.

  • Social situations may trigger thoughts and feelings that you are not doing the right thing at the right time and you don’t want to be embarrassed. Recognizing these feelings, taking them captive will give you the opportunity to choose a response instead of reacting.
  • Your insecurities may be manifesting in social situations as bullying behaviors, being over-assertive and over compensating for your insecurity.  This is an attempt to control situations to avoid feeling insecure.
  • Notice if you feel uncomfortable expressing your needs and desires to others, which can lead to resentment and frustration. If you only express your needs passively, your needs will likely go unmet, and you may begin to feel anger and contempt. You will need to know what those genuine needs are however. Temperament will show these needs to you.
  • Use assertive humility to ask for what you need. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you will ultimately feel more comfortable when your needs start being expressed.
  • A fear of losing safety can motivate negative behaviors. For example, if you get nervous, anxious and lash out at people when you are insecure, it will only increase your fears in the future, and add guilt and shame as well.

Ask for feedback from others.

There are times when it is helpful to ask others for their opinions. You may not always recognize how you are behaving, so getting input from trusted friends or family can be helpful. They may notice that you get extremely quiet around certain people, or freeze and shut down in certain situations, or lash out in others.

  • Not everyone is able to give constructive feedback, so think about a friend or family member that can be honest with you without being abusive, dismissive, or demeaning.
  • Ask that person if they notice that you demonstrate any insecurities. Request that they be completely honest.
  • You might feel vulnerable when asking others for input about you as a person, but your goal is to learn more about yourself so you can lessen your insecurities.
  • An example of good feedback would be something like: “You seem really concerned with fitting in with people you think are cool, and when they’re around you get really loud and out of control. I think you are great and have a lot to offer others, and you could work on building your self-confidence.”
  • Getting counsel from a counselor, therapist or mentor to address underlying issues as well us understanding temperament, will help insure long lasting transformation, not band-aid fixes to poor behaviors.
  • Recognize your inherent value assigned by God. This is at the core or center of who you are. This will become an anchor to your heart and give you a plumb line internally.

Psalm 139

14 I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex!
Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking.
It simply amazes me to think about it!
How thoroughly you know me!
15 You even formed every bone in my body
when you created me,
carefully, skillfully shaping me from nothing to something.
16 You saw who you created me to be before I became me!

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow!

BH

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