Are You Assertive… or Just Aggressive?

AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive.

Aggressive communicators will often:
 try to dominate others
 use humiliation to control others
 criticize, blame, or attack others
 be very impulsive
 have low frustration tolerance
 speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice
 act threateningly and rudely
 not listen well
 interrupt frequently
 use “you” statements
 have an overbearing or intimidating posture

The impact of a pattern of aggressive communication is that these individuals:
 become alienated from others
 alienate others
 generate fear and hatred in others
 always blame others instead of owning their issues, and thus are unable to mature

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and are strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others.

Assertive communicators will:
 state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
 express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
 use “I” statements
 communicate respect for others
 listen well without interrupting
 feel in control of self
 have good eye contact
 speak in a calm and clear tone of voice
 have a relaxed body posture
 feel connected to others
 feel competent and in control
 not allow others to abuse or manipulate them
 stand up for their rights

The impact of a pattern of assertive communication is that these individuals:
 feel connected to others
 feel in control of their lives
 are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise
create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature

Plainly put, pride and ego will drive aggressive behavior. Assertive humility will drive assertive behavior. When you know who you are, what you have as your truth, and are confident in your why and your purpose, you don’t need aggressive behavior. It actually demonstrates immature behavior, and poor Emotional Intelligence.


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