In relationship counseling, I find that many times, more than not, people have gotten themselves into relationships looking for someone to fill up their broken areas and essentially “fix” their broken emotional and spiritual being.
According to temperament in particular, a person will look for love in all the wrong places, compromise who they are and what they believe, as long as they can keep that person in their lives who seems to be doing the trick. This is purely living a lie, and taking that person hostage to your brokenness. And usually, the other person is doing the same thing.
The only way out is to deal with your brokenness head on. We need to deal with our unmet needs by our parents, the trauma we experienced, the resentments and subsequent unforgiveness and judgments in our hearts. Or… we will unwittingly bring that “baggage” into every relationship… personal, business, friendships, children… all of them, to one degree or another.
Take a good honest look at the chart above and see where you fit. It will only help you if you’re honest. The problem is that if you are in a dysfunctional relationship and are in this type of position, you may not even see the reality of what you’re doing. If you are there in that left column, there’s hope if you get genuine and real with yourself and the other party. If you’re blinded by being “in love”, being “in love” is blind. You may need the help of a counselor or therapist to be able to see where your blind spots might be.