So… By this time in life I was kind of used to failure. God had used all of my failure thus far to bring me to where I was. I was working with New York City Relief at this point, I had started a new life in my mid thirties. I just wasn’t expecting to fail at marriage again.
But by roots were not all removed yet. The ones in question were with my father. I had already dealt with my mother as she was the alcoholic and had broken that generational curse, but my dad was passive and emotionally disconnected. That’s what I became in the marriage. I was doing great in my ministry work and getting accolades. But I mistook those accolades for approval of how I was living my life at home.
I had judged my dad and never wanted to be like him. The judgement returned to me and I was the same, EMO absent with my wife. Didn’t even know it, (because I was absent). I submitted myself to God and all the help offered to me. The main thing offered was temperament. When this was revealed to me, along with the other help received, it was life transforming, and transformed our marriage.
I was so impacted I went back to school to learn how to help people in the same way. (All this while at New York City Relief). I needed all the roots dealt with, so that God could restore me from that place… from the roots up. There was absolutely nothing I could have done on a surface level, like read a book on the 10 best ways to be a great husband, as it would never have worked. I needed to attack the problem at the core, the root system, so that I could be fully restored. The areas of failure and weakness become the strongest areas, also becoming deeply rooted, strongly grounded, and lasting.
Psalm 1 (TLB)
2 “But they delight in doing everything God wants them to, and day and night are… thinking about ways to follow him more closely.
3 They are like trees along a riverbank bearing luscious fruit each season without fail. Their leaves shall never wither, and all they do will prosper.”