One of biggest issues in relationships, is that what we think is love, blinds us to the truth of who we are, who the other is, and causes us to deny who we truly are, and to compromise our values and beliefs.
Once I came out of my old addictive lifestyle, I realized that I never really had relationships, I just took hostages. Hostages to my ingrained, codependent broken behaviors. Why? Because the trauma I experienced as a kid growing up, stunted my emotional growth, and the patterns of behavior I saw acted out by my parents, due to my subsequent judgement against them, became my own patterns of behavior.
I just didn’t know how to be a “normal” functioning person. I said I would never be like either one of my parents, and became just like both of them. Dependent on alcohol and drugs, and codependent at the same time. AKA, a mess.
I was always stuck one way or the other. I wanted to keep someone on my life, but I would cheat because I resented “needing” the person. I was never in it for the other person, I was always on survival mode. The push-pull reality never left, as well as well the above listed patterns and dozens more. I had no emotional stability whatsoever. And I never took responsibility for the mess the relationship was in, I always, and I mean always blamed the other person.
This scenario will play out in your life commensurate with the degree and type of trauma you experienced growing up.
In order to begin to break this generational pattern you must first recognize it’s reality and begin to take responsibility. Past that there are a number of elements like forgiveness, releasing of judgements, various trauma therapies, cognitive therapy, (taking thoughts captive), etc. The good news is, these patterns can be broken, and we can grow and learn, and become more and more the person we are created to be, and move into healthy relationships, but you will need help. It won’t get better all by itself. But you can enter a process that will bring relief, lasting change and transformation. God has a plan. Get in on the process now!