Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

How emotional intelligence (EQ) impacts relationships

If you are seeking a partner in life, I suggest Sacred Search by Gary Thomas. You want to discover God’s plan in your life, and there is no more important place for that to be realized than in your relationships.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is one of the secrets of lasting intimate relationships, largely because it makes us extremely aware of the changes—large and small—that are constantly occurring in ourselves and others. By building your EQ, you’ll have the sensitivity that each of us is always seeking in a significant other. You’ll automatically sense, through active awareness and empathy, the little shifts in the dynamics of your relationship that signal a need for action.

We have the potential to attain the kind of emotional connectedness we all dream of—deep intimacy, mutual kindness, real commitment, soulful caring—simply because of empathy, our innate ability to share emotional experience. But to reach the height of this kind of intimacy, we need all the skills of a high EQ: sharp emotional awareness to avoid mistaking infatuation or lust for lasting love; acceptance to experience emotions that could harm a relationship if left to fester; and a vigilant active awareness to appraise us of what’s working and what isn’t.

Building emotionally intelligent romantic relationships

We don’t have to choose the wrong people, end up in multiple failed marriages, or let the emotional intimacy seep out of our long-term relationships. We don’t have to let conflicting needs and wants to come between two people who love each other. We don’t have to resign ourselves to boredom or bickering in our lives.

Fortunately, your EQ doesn’t need to have peaked before you embark on a healthy relationship pursuit. In fact, for many people, “falling in love” serves as motivation for reeducating the heart. That’s why some of the most deeply passionate partners are in their eighties: They discover that two high EQs add up to a romance that never stops growing, never loses excitement, and always strengthens them both, individually as well as collectively.

Actively seek change in your relationship

When you ride out your fear of change, you discover that different does not necessarily mean worse. Things often come out better than ever on the far side of change. Relationships are organisms themselves, and by nature must change. Any relationships not nudged toward the kind of growth you want will drift into change of another kind—maybe one you don’t want. Your ability to embrace change pays off in courage and optimism. Ask yourself, does your partner need something new from you? Do you need to schedule some time to reevaluate together? Are external influences demanding a change in your respective roles? Are you as happy as you used to be? Without EQ, such questions are often just too scary to face, so many people ignore signals of change until it’s too late.

View the challenges you encounter as opportunities rather than problems

Your courage and optimism allow you to view dilemmas not as problems, but as challenging opportunities. How creative can the two of you be? When you don’t need to blame each other for your emotions, you’re not controlled by negative emotional memories, and you’re alert not to repeat the same old mistake. When you have a high EQ, you’re liberated from ruts and resignation, and you can get down to resourceful problem solving. You can meet differences between you and unavoidable crises, as invitations to find each other, challenges to get closer and emerge individually and collectively stronger.

Respect all the feelings you have for each other.

We’re not always delighted by the discoveries we make about the person we love, but when it comes to emotions, it’s necessary to accept them all. Being in a genuine relationship doesn’t mean never feeling angry, disappointed, hurt, or jealous. How you act on your emotions is up to you; what’s important is that you actually feel them. Many relationships have been ruined by blame, and millions of couples have missed out on deep intimacy because of shame. Both are cruel remainders of unfelt anger, fear, and anxiety. If you’ve done the work of building EQ, you’ll experience the emotions and get on with your life together. Forgiving quickly, putting aside judgements and resentments, realizing a house divided against itself will fall.

Finally, the parts of the Process that EIS offers, Temperament, archeological journaling to reveal unforgiveness and judgements in the heart, subsequent forgiveness and releasing of judgements, taking thoughts captive, effecting lasting inner healing and transformation from the inside out, and incorporating new disciplines that keep repaired areas healthy, are all necessary to establish high EQ realities in relationships.

BH/Help Guide/Adapted

Inspiration for Today’s Post: Vanessa Rollo

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