The father wound is the “invisible” wound carried down from generation to generation.
Our father are humans. Humans who have their own unresolved traumas, their own lack of self worth, and their own deep seated limiting beliefs.
The first man many of us have a relationship with is our father. He sets the foundation for the every relationship we have with men in our lives.
Many of our fathers been shamed, just as our mothers have. Shamed for their emotions. Shamed for being “weak.” Shamed over a perception of how they can or cannot provide for their families. This pain is then unconsciously projected into their children.
As adults, a conflicted relationship with a father becomes an unconscious focus. We find partners like him (or the complete opposite of him.) We seek approval in others the way we did for him. We betray ourselves for any attempt of connection with him.
Some ways to begin reflecting on and healing the father wound.
1. What messages about myself did my father give me as a child?
2. If my father was absent, what narratives were told around this and how did it make me feel?
3. What qualities do I seek in my partners/what qualities to I want to avoid?
4. How did my father respond to my emotions? To his own emotions?
5. What beliefs about the world did he have?
6. What messages did he share with me about sex, love, relationships (both directly and indirectly through modeling)
7. How did he cope with stress and overwhelm?
8. What did he feel shame around? How did this shame impact me?
This is deep, healing work. Take breaks. Go slow. Honor all that you feel, it’s all valid. It’s all a journey of returning to our true selves.
I always appreciate Dr. LePera’s insightful pieces that make these traumatic realities of childhood trauma more “accessible” to us by normalizing it. In older times, these things were just ignored. If you were so bad off because of the issues and wound up going to a psychologist or psychiatrist, most often no one knew. You hid things like this out of shame… you were somehow deficient if you did.
Now-a-days getting assistance in dealing with such issues is more accepted and even considered a bold and courageous thing to do. As people attain healing and start to function better in life and relationships and work, people want to know how they too can find help.
Our work with EIS has emerged as a result of this kind of movement and progression. Just as Dr. LaPera has brought these psychological thoughts into prominence and perceived as normal things people do, like working out and exercising, yoga, meditation, etc., EIS has become a place to find deep inner healing, freedom from addictive behaviors, healed marriages, and people discovering their true selves, and God’s intended purpose for their lives.
BH/Dr. La Pera