Protect and Deflect or Feel, Deal, and Heal

When we don’t want to deal with things in life that are painful, whether it be things from the past, mistakes we’ve made, difficult decisions… many times we try and “protect ” ourselves perhaps by building a wall around our hearts to protect us. The problem with walls is they also keep the good things out. Like vulnerability, love, joy, freedom

Maybe we don’t want to get hurt again, or maybe we are afraid to take a risk of some kind. But that would mean that we would have to “deal” with our insecurities and judgements against others or ourselves.

It’s a better choice to “feel, deal and heal.”

This indicates that we would need to uncover our fears, insecurities, pain, resentment, unforgiveness and judgements. We help people to do this through archeological journaling. This simply means unearthing the issues in our hearts that prevent us from moving forward. Many times, people spend all of their lives “protecting” the areas of their hearts that are broken one way or the other.

Here are some comments by “Melanie X.”

If I touch a hot stove my hand jerks away almost before my mind registers the searing pain.  It’s reflex.  Our bodies were designed to react to and protect us from things that cause pain.

Run away.  Don’t go back.  Set up barricades and warning signs so we can be protected.

Much of the time, this reaction serves us well.But sometimes those reflexes keep us from healing.

Anyone who’s had major surgery knows that when the nurses come in the next morning saying, “We’re going to get you out of bed today!”, the last thing you want to do is swing your legs over and stand up.  It HURTS! We want to avoid what hurts, not embrace it.

So it’s no surprise that when we suffer deep emotional wounds, our first response is to try to run away or bury them or ignore them.  The last thing we want to do is face them.

But if I am to heal, I have to face them.  I have to take hold of each place where the dagger of grief and sorrow and regret and anger has pierced my heart and examine it closely.  I have to decide what to do with it, how to integrate it into my life after loss, offense, hurt.

Grief is work!  That is one of the reasons grievers need solitude as well as companionship on this journey.  And that is why grief and forgiveness can’t be hurried along.  It takes a great deal of time to do the work grief requires.

If instead of facing our pain, we try to run away or distract ourselves or numb ourselves with alcohol, food or drugs, or maybe business or sex, or porn. But we only prolong the process. The pain cannot be ignored forever.

healing doesnt mean damage never existed

We must FEEL what we need to feel.

Then we must DEAL with those feelings. It might mean seeking a professional counselor or a trusted friend. Journaling will help too.  But we have got to acknowledge and work through these feelings.

And then we can begin to HEAL  Hearts that have embraced and made some sense of grief and that have extended forgiveness can begin to beat again.  They can begin to love again and feel joy again.  They can learn to carry both sorrow and happiness.

It’s not a “once and done” exercise. It takes courage and stamina and determination, but it is the only way forward.  

BH

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