As the old commercial used to say: “This is your brain… this is your brain on drugs.” The brain characterized by an egg, and on drugs… a fried egg.
Well, developmental and childhood trauma, trauma of any kind, can do the same thing. I have told my own story many times, and that way my brain BEFORE I did drugs due to the trauma I endured growing up in an alcoholic and codependent household.
It’s no wonder when I attempted to work, have relationships, interact socially, anything… I couldn’t do it successfully, which kept me in the trauma cycle. I took hostages instead of having relationships, I was an ego-maniac with a deep inferiority complex. I cycled through any number of dysfunctional patterns, never able to take responsibility, and just blamed everyone else for it.
Looking back it terrifies me to think that’s how I lived.
Now, imagine a person (like I was), who is unhealed, ina. relationship, in a position of attempting to lead other people. What kind of results do you think you will get?
This is what we mean when we say we train leaders from the inside out. The brokenness and trauma inside must be healed or it will be covered over due to survival techniques, but in business, relationships, and marriage in particular, the trauma will surface, no matter what we’ve done to hide and cover up.
But we’re afraid of exposure. We’re afraid of rejection. Depending on temperament it’s also going to dictate how we respond to life situations, but they will all be dysfunctional.
I can’t tell you how many broken marriages alone that I have, and continue to deal with. I’m talking about in under 6 months people are coming in wondering why they got married. They planned “big weddings”, but small marriages because they didn’t invest the resources needed to uncover the brokenness, let it be healed and dealt with so it wouldn’t rise to the surface when they got married.
I have shared many times that when you get into business, a mentorship program, an accountability relationship, a marriage, relationship or leadership position, you stuff will be exposed, by design. So that you can effectively deal with your unexposed trauma, and other dysfunctional behavioral issues, and allow them to be transformed into strengths.
If you avoid this reality, and you continue to avoid, hide, cover up, survive and cope and hope, you will likely become a poser, faker and a wannabe. You will live out of your false self. You may succeed in certain areas, but it will be impossible to truly prosper. You will also never we able to become the whole person, wife, husband, parent or leader that God intended.
Resource for Today: Posers, Fakers, and Wannabe’s – Unmasking the Real You – Brennan Manning