Out of Your Hands

Meaghan

If it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind, too.

Throughout my years in recovery, I’ve spent a lot of time learning how to let things go: the relationship that failed, the job I didn’t get, the money I blew on things I didn’t need; the pain, guilt, shame, worthlessness, and fear that I carried around because of the things I’d done and things that had been done to me.

I’ve spent days, weeks, months even, thinking about the woulda, coulda, shouldas and beating myself up about not doing things differently. It can be incredibly hard, sometimes feeling almost impossible, to stop, let go, and move forward, especially when it seems like there’s reminders everywhere.

I always wondered why I was like this. Did anyone else ruminate the way I did?  So when if first started working with Bill and I learned about my unique temperaments, things started to make more sense as to why I behaved and felt conflict the way I did.

As a phlegmatic, I don’t tolerate others having control over my life. I’m incredibly strong willed, self-motivated, independent and unwilling to expend energy on things that I don’t view as a priority. While those can all be beneficial qualities to have, I also came to learn that my mood is highly depending on my surroundings, am easily embarrassed and a perfectionist.

All of these characteristic combined, and you can see why I had a hard time letting things go in areas where I feel I failed. Especially when I felt I’d failed to live up to the expectations I believed God set for me.

During one of our sessions Bill and I were discussing an area in life where I felt I’d failed. Bill told me, “God loves you unconditionally. You know you’re already forgiven, don’t you? You need to learn to forgive yourself.” I’ll never forget those words.

Bill shaped the way I looked at forgiveness and changed the way I viewed myself.

What I’ve learned about letting things go, is that it was never really mine to have to begin with. It all belongs to God. And if God’s already forgiven me for all my past, present and future failures by his grace and through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, I can forgive me too.

So instead of wallowing in feelings, thoughts and emotions that keep me stuck in the same place, I learned to give myself some grace and allow myself to heal, grow and forgive. However long that takes.

Wherever you are right now, you are worthy healing and even more, you are worthy of freedom and forgiveness because of God’s Grace given to us in Christ.

Guest Contributor: Meaghan W.

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