Are you a “robo-advisor”, or an “empathetic listener”?
Empathetic listening means paying attention in a caring manner. It encompasses compassion, feeling, insight, and emotional identification and helps us understand where the other person is coming from before we react or even respond.
Emotional connection shows someone we grasp how they feel. And it is critical to offering sound, informed advice. As genuine empathetic listeners, we can qualify to be helpful advisors and add value to others lives and build them up.
We all have experienced moments when we thought something we said was devalued or dismissed. It doesn’t feel good. So people who ask us for advice are showing both courage and vulnerability. They are demonstrating the trust they place in us and we need to affirm that trust by doing our best to hear them out. Empathetic listening helps accomplish this.
How to Listen in an Empathetic Manner
1. Offer Maximum Attention
When someone approaches you for advice, many factors came into play beforehand. They weighed the risks and the benefits and decided you would be a good person to consult. Nonverbal cues help show them that they made the right choice. Let them dominate the conversation. Be a patient listener. Don’t multitask and then try to refocus on what they are saying or they may not share their whole story.
2. Nonverbal Reading
Pay attention to the speaker’s emotions. Do their words signal anger, frustration, pain, fear? Make and maintain eye contact. Are they fidgeting or adjusting their hand position? Pay attention to their body movement. All these signals will help you decipher their underlying feelings. You can better meet them where they’re at and identify.
3. Ask Questions
Pose neutral and thoughtful questions. Don’t make the conversation feel like an interrogation, or that you are merely condescending to them by listening to them. Look the person in the eye as you make your queries, and use a caring, gentle tone. Avoid questions that express an opinion or judgment or that could hurt or belittle. Ask specific but open-ended questions about the particular issue: “I’d like to know more about that…”
Be nonjudgmental as you listen. Encourage the speaker to be forthright. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, nodding the head, and matching their facial expressions can help draw them out. Rephrase their words and encourage them to open up emotionally. When it’s your turn to speak, summarize their story. “here’s what I hear you saying… is that correct?”
Silence is essential to empathetic listening. It adds depth and weight to a conversation. Though it may feel awkward at times, it provides space — for the listener to deliberate and the speaker to reflect on their internal processes and contemplate a solution to their situation.
6. Follow Up
After the session, you must follow up with the person. It shows that you take the issue they raised seriously and have a stake in its successful outcome. It demonstrates that you care. Send an email, text or make a follow up call because you actually care.
Benefits of Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening can help untangle conflicts and solve disagreements. Among other benefits, it:
- Creates Trust: People know that empathetic listeners will hear them without judgment and will help solve conflicts and create harmonized relationships.
- Boosts the Speaker’s Confidence: The speaker knows that their concerns are valid, that someone is listening, and that they have an ally in their corner who is willing to help. It doesn’t mean you agree with everything, but you are there to help navigate.
- Fosters Teamwork and Cooperation: Cooperation begins when people listen to and understand each other. Empathetic listening creates an environment where people can tell their stories and reveal their emotions as they seek collaborative solutions.
- Shares Diverse Thoughts and Ideas: Empathetic listening helps build a platform for exchanging insights and perspectives, spurring unconventional and out-of-the-box thinking. (Two heads are better than one!)
- Reduces Tension and Stress: Empathetic listening lowers blood pressure and reduces the temperature. Conflicts are much rarer.
Impersonal robo-advisers cannot address a person’s anxiety as well as a genuine empathetic listener. While robo-advisers are great at analyzing things from a problem solving perspective, they cannot connect on a human, emotional level or provide the reassurance that stressful situations require.
When people make critical decisions about how to manage their lives, the human touch is essential. People need to have their fears and concerns heard and addressed. They need to vent from time to time, and they want to be a part of the solution, not just told “what to do.” They don’t care how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
An authentic advisor who harnesses empathetic listening can address those needs, and build genuine authentic relationships in the process. When you do, you automatically become more of the “genuine you”, if you approach listening to others with sincere heart.
BH/Adapted – Marguerita Cheng