Ahhh yes. Everything is just “fine.”
This word has a rep these days!
F ouled-up I nescure N eurotic E motional
The state of things not being ok under the surface when we act like it is. The place of the elusive “comfort zone” where we just love to dwell, so we like to ignore, reject, cover up, and hide from the realities of what is happening, particularly in relationships.
It’s a place of regular and profound denial. F I N E. So what is the alternative? Should we just go around saying, “I don’t know, I think I am doing my best but still everything sucks… I feel crappy, wish I was doing something else, I have no real genuine relationships in my life, I live out of my false self, I am surviving, barely, not thriving, I am really hurting , insecure, broken, a mess, I hate myself and everybody else and hate my life?!?!
We wouldn’t dare tell people that stuff! What would they think?
There you go, the ego at the control panel. I don’t want to let on that I might not have it all together like “they do”. So I would rather be F I N E. A nebulous place that doesn’t need an explanation, or qualification of any kind. I AM F I N E ! NOTHING IS WRONG! Why do you keep asking me!?!? If something was wrong I would tell you!
There has to be a place to be genuine in healthy ways about our brokenness and tumultuous condition. It’s OK! It’s normal to go through it! But we do not believe that because everyone else seems to have it together. They look totally F I N E ! But somehow, their F I N E is different from my F I N E.
I may perceive their F I N E is actually Good… and my F I N E is not. This is a paradox of the human kind and the human mind, and it’s rooted in the ego.
How do I fix that then?
Well, in my experience, we are either basically going to be EGO centric or GOD centric.
Phil 3:12 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for God, who has so wondrously reached out for me. 13 Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward – to Jesus. 14 I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. 15 So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision – you’ll see it yet! 16 Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it!
This implicates a place where I am ok with life not being perfect so I am good even though all my circumstances are not. God is faithful and I know it so I am good with things not being FINE.
The opposite scenario can look like: I have so many issues and problems it makes me want to bury my head in the sand, but have to keep it all together, and I don’t want to appear weak. Ego. Trade your ego and your brokenness in for vulnerability and openness and find freedom to be. Everyone else is struggling in the same way, maybe differently but the same. Come on out of hiding!