F ouled-up I nsecure N eurotic E motional
Ahh yes… everything is “just FINE. This 4 letter word has a rep these days!
FINE. The state of things not being ok under the surface when we act like it is. The place of the elusive “comfort zone” where we just love to dwell, so we like to ignore, reject, cover up, and hide from the realities of what is happening, particularly in relationships.
It’s a place of regular and profound denial. F I N E. So what is the alternative? Should we just go around saying, “I don’t know, I think I am doing my best but still everything sucks… I feel crappy, wish I was doing something else, I have no real genuine relationships in my life, I live out of my false self, I am surviving, barely, not thriving, I am really hurting , insecure, broken, a mess, I hate myself and everybody else and hate my life?!?!
We wouldn’t dare tell people that stuff! What would they think?
There you go, the ego at the control panel. I don’t want to let on that I might not have it all together like “they do”. So I would rather be F I N E. A nebulous place that doesn’t need an explanation, or qualification of any kind. I AM F I N E ! NOTHING IS WRONG! Why do you keep asking me!?!? If something was wrong I would tell you!
There has to be a place to be genuine in healthy ways about our brokenness and tumultuous condition. It’s OK! It’s normal to go through it! But we do not believe that because everyone else seems to have it together. They look totally F I N E ! But somehow, their F I N E is different from my F I N E. I may perceive their F I N E is actually good… and my F I N E is not. This is a paradox of the human kind and the human mind, and it’s rooted in the ego.
How do I fix that?
Well, in my experience, we are either basically going to be EGO centric or GOD centric.
Phil 3:12 “I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. 13 Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward – to Jesus. 14 I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. “
This implicates a place where I am ok with life not being perfect so I am good even though all my circumstances are not. God is faithful and I know it so I am good with things not being FINE.
The opposite scenario can look like: I have so many issues and problems it makes me want to bury my head in the sand, but have to keep it all together, and I don’t want to appear weak or incompetent, (especially if I am a melancholy, and I am). I live in a perpetual state of coping and hoping and surviving outside the comfort zone so… I am “just FINE!” Leave me alone!
God-Centric vs. Ego-Centric.
Galatians 2 The Message
“My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. God lives in me.” (It’s ok to not be FINE).
Our value system is largely affected based on whether it comes from a God-centered viewpoint or an ego-centered viewpoint. Ego-centeredness originates in our fallen nature; it centers everything on myself, causing my value system to also be distorted and self-centered.
We live in a culture where an individual’s value comes from an external and superficial perspective, rather than from something greater than the self. Even though we aspire to connect to our value from God’s viewpoint, we can easily get snagged by a secular, external viewpoint, and be swayed by other people’s opinions or attitudes. We might find ourselves doubting or questioning our intrinsic value that God gives us when we start to compare ourselves to others, and be swayed by a more materialistic or humanistic view of value and competence.
We make decisions in our lives based on our perceptions of our value; be it ego-centered or God-centered. When we connect to a God-centered viewpoint, there is a peace, harmony, and confidence that comes from knowing I am created in God’s image, that I am loved, and that I have a unique and eternal value that doesn’t change and is not defined by what I do or don’t do.
If our value is defined from an ego-centered viewpoint, we often experience a cycle of doubting the value we have inside of us, and trying to fill that void in many different kinds of ways. This often results in low self-esteem as we underestimate ourselves and feel unworthy of love. The result… I am F I N E .