Do I Have To do All This Hard Work!?

The answer is… NO! But as I heard many years ago, when a young child went to the dentist, the child posed a question after the dentist was providing instruction of good oral hygiene. ” But do I have to floss ALL my teeth?”

The dentist replied… “Absolutely not! Only the ones you want to keep…

We live in an age of entitlement. One of the “destinations” located in the “Destination Orientation Zone.”

“Entitlement is an enduring personality trait, characterized by the belief that one deserves preferences and resources that others do not. Like boundaries, we recognize entitlement chiefly by its effect on us: envy, anger, and frustration. “Why do they think they deserve it any more than I do?” we wonder. And then, “Is it them, or is it just me?”

Sometimes we mistake entitlement for a sense of self-confidence projected by competent, assured, often charismatic others. Sometimes we confuse it with narcissism, with which it’s often associated, or self-absorption, which occasionally looks like the same thing. And sometimes, according to research, a bit of a fleeting, situational rush of entitlement can be a good thing; it can increase creativity and lead to novel, unusual solutions to problems, the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that organizations and employers encourage.

Whether deserved or not, a sense of entitlement enables people to think and act differently from others, and the more they do so, the more willing and able they are to generate creative ideas, or delusions of grandeur. On the negative side, a chronically entitled disposition may diminish the motivation to put in extra effort.

When people feel entitled, they want to be different from others. But just as frequently they come across as indifferent to others. That’s why they often provoke such negative responses in those they encounter, especially those they don’t personally know.

Since no real emotional, solid sense of self has been established, the ego is out front in numerous ways, depending on temperament, personal history, etc.

That may be the most significant fact about entitlement; that silent signal that our negative feelings have been triggered by it. Recognizing when our own sense of entitlement is driving us helps us understand our need to balk at social convention, rebel against limitations on our autonomy or prohibitions on our preferred behavior. Marching to our own drummer is one thing; knowing when that sound affects others like chalk on a blackboard is another. Additionally, it all lends itself to the development of the false, ego driven self – Sometimes we call it becoming a “poser, faker or wanna-be.”

Source: Psychology Today

Most people we encounter really believe that their relationships “should” just work. After all, “we work good together, why are we encountering all these problems and issues?” As if “working together “is a magic combination to having healthy relationships… hardly.

When I present the Process to people, and I am asked, for example, “how long will this process take?” I usually answer, how long did it take you to get here? Somehow, I can live a life of screwy relationships, drag all my childhood dysfunction with me, but when I get into a relationship, or into business, I expect that all of that should just be forgotten and/or magically disappear. “I am here now. Those days are gone! “Maybe so, but you’re not automatically transformed because of professional or relational logistics, or “success”.

“No matter where you go, there you are.”

Many times, the amount of time and effort people invest in their professional ventures, believe that effort should “cover” the relationship as well. My reply; ” You will have to invest as much time, energy and resources in your relationship, if not more, if you wan’t the kind of relationship you believe you’re “entitled” to.

BH

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