I thought I would add a little levity with the above cartoon, to a very serious and pervasive problem. People get themselves into relationships all day long for the wrong reasons, while they have a boatload of unhealed brokenness, expecting that it’s all going to be ok because they are “in love”.
“We belong together!” They’re my soul mate!” We were made for each other!” “God put us together!” “Our love will get us through anything!”
The fervent statements go on and on. Then why do I see so many of those same people, literally after 3 months of marriage wondering why they got married?
If you have read my posts at all, you have seen the articles like “My Marriage Wasn’t Meant to Be” by Matt Walsh, that will fully explain alot of this; you can go back on the blog and find it here: https://bill-hoffman.com/2021/01/03/my-marriage-wasnt-meant-to-be-with-matt-walsh/
Love is indeed prone to be “blinding”. It’s dangerous to get in a relationship and get married and not do the work to find healing, know your temperament differences, not allowing enough time (without sex – that’s right, without sex), to know each other intimately.) Not physically intimate, but emotionally and spiritually intimate. If you have an issue with that take it up with God. But I can explain why if you like… just email me. ; >))
In just the past few days, this is what I am dealing with in four specific instances:
- I got married and woke up with a stranger.
- Soul tie/trauma bonding/emotional enmeshment taking a year and more to break free from… still working on it.
- “I felt like I had to marry them.” Now… “What have I done?”
- Got married. Was counseling, stopped, found someone, no counseling, no accountability, now, demonic oppression and severe suicidal manifestations.
There is more of course. These are just a few of what only I am dealing with right now. If you do not, will not do the work and invest in a big marriage, not a “big wedding”, you may very well be in danger of these or other, sometimes worse issues surfacing, sooner than later.
I am right now involved in very dangerous marriages that are not just on the brink, they are downright dangerous. I’m talking physical danger. So please, if you are in a relationship, DO THE WORK! Things will not take care of themselves! If you sweep it under the rug it’s still there! Open your eyes! Be bold and courageous! Do the work BEFORE! People think all the time that they can “do the work” while they’re married. Possible, but unlikely.
Marriage introduces new problems, challenges, and issues to deal with. Then the baggage is simply packed away. People have kids that take the focus off the issues for a while then they come back, worse. The root systems are all still there. They WILL have to be dealt with.
Do it now. Don’t wait. Help is available. My book The Process can help you understand the necessity of a process that when engaged in can help you navigate into a healthy place before taking the step of marriage.
The Process available here In paperback, E-Book, Audible