Are You Sabotaging Relationships?

There is a resource here in San Clemente called mylovethinks.com. This is a father daughter team that have a very well known work in the relationship/marriage field. The following is an excerpt from one of their recent blog posts concerning Blind Spots.

Only seeing what you want to see is best described as an over-idealization of your partner(s).

“This typically develops because some emotional issue from your past hasn’t been dealt with.  Because of this past unresolved issue, it is common look to others in your present and future relationships to meet this need. Ultimately this creates an intense dependence on others as well as a distorted opinion of them. This puts you at risk for over-idealizing a partner and staying in a relationship that is ultimately unhealthy. 

If any of this sounds familiar to you, please remember …You do not have to be imprisoned by your past. 

However, you do have some work to do.

You will need to take a deep look at your early experiences and identify your pattern of relating to others. Specifically, identify how the extreme need developed in your life and how you seek to meet it through your present day relationships.

You will need to create a plan for behaving differently in your relationships. It helps to write out your current ways of behaving and then determine what “different” looks like. Also, write that down.  And commit to doing things differently.

You will need to gain new information. Seeking counseling, reading certain books, journaling through your past experiences, uncovering past pain and trauma, and knowing temperament, are all facets that can help you heal and grow. New information is critical to making meaningful change. 

When you discover new ways of behaving in your relationships, you are free to practice implementing new patterns. This will help perpetually expose your blind spots so instead of being sabotaged by them, they become road markers moving forward.

Getting past your blind spots don’t always require a professional; however commitment to new behaviors and empowering yourself with new information can go a long way. “

BH/Adapted from a post by “Mylovethinks.com”

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