One of the things I always tell people at the onset of counseling is that we will separate you and your significant other in counseling until each person has sufficiently been able to move into a place of taking responsibility for their own part in the breakdown of the relationship. Otherwise it is always something like, ” Well… if they would just stop doing this or that , then I would be fine.”
The abdication of responsibility goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden, believe it or not. After Eve at of the forbidden tree, Adam is confronted by God and has the gall to say, “The woman YOU gave me, gave me the fruit and I ate it”… Eve just said the devil made her do it. Amazing.
We do the same. Think about it. SInce we can remember, most of us when children would never take responsibility if something happened. It’s simply in there. That’s because we fear judgement. Perfect love casts out fear. When we are operating out of love; from God, towards ourselves, and towards another, we are no longer fear/ judgement driven. We are free to take responsibility, and.our eyes can be opened.
When we have this type of awakening, we are free to be and become, and to enter the process, and begin the work that needs to be done. When both people willingly commit to the process, we can eventually find genuine reconciliation and ongoing growth in couples as they develop a pattern of love and respect towards each other, stop judging, and take responsibility for themselves.
All this includes the steps in the Process widely used in EIS, which is the subject of my book, The Process. You can find it here in paperback, Audible and Kindle on sale at Amazon.