I had a full time job; or at least I thought. Each day and even into the wee hours of the morning for many, many years I had the duty to WORRY.
I came to believe that if I didn’t include worry as the overarching theme of all my life situations then the problems would never be solved. I would be literally swallowed up by them instead. I guess it gave me a sense of control in my life. A belief that somehow as long as I worried and anguished over the possible solutions I would finally experience resolve, then peace. Well, that never happened. As soon as a problem dissipated and actually never came to fruition I’d find yet another problem that needed my worry.
This caused nothing but further problems.
Doom and gloom surrounded my body, mind and emotions. That’s all I knew. This chronic state of worry wreaked havoc within me, as you can imagine. Obviously, my emotional health was at stake. I created an environment within my emotions that had absolutely no space to experience the beautiful array of positive emotions we as humans have such as joy, peace, and contentment. Then the physical stress on the body: the tightened muscles and pain, the gut disruptions and brain fog that goes with constant worry. It left no ability to actually concentrate on positive, viable solutions making the problem way worse than it actually was or needed to be. Spiritually, no space for God to show up and demonstrate His power to direct the course of resolve.
I often thought “why do I worry? Why is it that some people never seem to worry and all is well in the end? In fact, do they seem to often have better outcomes!” Once I dug deep into this issue, a light bulb went off. Well, at first the light was quite dim and in fact as I dug into the trenches of my toxic thinking, it seemed pitch black for a bit. I wanted out of that hole. But I knew I needed to stay and find the roots.
VOILA…I found the root:
I believed that I alone needed to fix everything. I believed no one was available, able nor desired to protect me. In my head, I believed I alone could get resolve. Once the realization that problems could not be solved alone, as an ill-equipped little girl, I panicked. I saw my inabilities and my inadequacy. I finally sought help. I was provided with new tools and support to move out of the state of worry and into real solutions. It was all about emotional intelligence that landed me on the unemployment line as Worry was fired and then, Peace was hired.
EIS Counselor: Anita Arrunategui/Images: Canva Pro