Are You Ruled By Insecurity? – With Bill Hoffman

Don’t you wish you could just “switch off” your insecurities?

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. But there is a way to work towards having it in the “off” position more than not… but it will require a few things… namely – work.

For me, for example, my insecurities were deeply rooted in my past, and I was insecure 100% of the time.  I coped and hoped for years through protecting myself, deflecting on to others, pre-emptive rejection, (keeping myself out of situations and relationships where the potential to be rejected was evident, (which was all the time.) Other tactics were arrogance, pretending I was something I was not, embellishing made up stories that made me appear “cool”, anger, victimization, blaming, taking no responsibility, never being wrong… I think I employed all of them!  And if they were not enough, I anesthetized myself every day with drugs and alcohol, and if all else failed, I would simply blame it on that.

This went on until I was 30 years old. I finally quit drinking and drugging which opened the door, (initially through AA), to start a journey of self discovery and taking responsibility, which initially was terrifying. I had no idea how to have any functioning relationships of any kind.  I had been unemployable, anti-social, paranoid, fully dysfunctional on every level all of my adult life, (and in my childhood due to an alcoholic and codependent household.)

Nevertheless, the journey began, and over time I delved into WHY I did the things I did, and then I could work on changing the dysfunctional behavior patterns that I employed to simply exist in life. This was exciting and terrifying all at the same time… but it saved my life, and led me down a path that I believe God always had prepared for me… and He waited for me to make the decision to get in on it.

While this has been a long and winding road, with a lot of mistakes, they all kept propelling me forward instead of backwards.  I never got “fixed”, but instead, slowly kept maturing, (still am), and as the years passed I gained wisdom, self confidence, a degree of temperance, but most of all, a sense of self that is genuine.  I know who I am and who I am not. While I used to always compare myself to others and disqualify myself, I have no need to anymore. I have no sense of inferiority, or superiority.  I have learned humility, chosen humility, largely because I know “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

I got tired of being humiliated so I chose voluntarily humbling myself, laying down my pride and ego, and developing an honest heart that prefers others over my ego. Make no mistake… I have not “arrived”.  I am not perfect in this.  But I am eons away from my old insecure self.  It’s a journey, not a destination.

Bill Hoffman

“Process with Progress allows us to love every version of ourselves.” – Julie SIgnorelli

The Process – AVAILABLE HERE

 

 

 

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