Letting go is one of the hardest things a human will be faced with doing; more than a few times in life.
The things that we don’t necessarily like, as in bad, abusive, codependent and destructive relationships, seem as though we would welcome the day when we discovered we could let them go. But many, many times, these things have a grip on our souls, aka, soul ties. There are many reasons why we would do this, depending on many variables, so you may not relate to all of what I am about to list below, but see if you can identify with any of them.
- I don’t know my value and worth, so I settle.
- I don’t believe I deserve better because I believe I am bad.
- I am afraid no one else will love me. (Even though the abusive person I am with does not actually love me).
- I don’t know what genuine love is.
- It is familiar and “safe”, (even though it is not safe).
- I don’t want to go through this all over again.
- I’ve invested so much time into this relationship…
- I will never be able to get over this.
- I just “feel” like I “have to” stay with this person
- Their family will not understand.
- “With God all things are possible”. Why is this working out not possible?
- I made a commitment.
- What will I do?
- Where will I go?
- If I quit I am a failure.
- Trauma bonds from childhood issues
- Dissociation from traumatic and distressing past experiences.
- Making excuses for the person.
- Illusions or delusions of “control”. ( It’s out of control now, but if I leave I will feel out of control.)
- I can fix them… I owe it to them.
- Guilt and shame on many levels.
- Emotional and spiritual entrapment, enmeshment and narcissism
As long as we hang on to such deeply destructive and dysfunctional relationships, we can never be free to discover our true selves. We cannot know what genuine authentic love is, so we cannot love or be loved authentically. We will always be indebted to another human being. I cannot discover my purpose and why.
We accept the “love” we think we deserve.
In reality, we are loved with a perfect love. If you do not believe or understand this, it does not change the truth. I cannot fully connect to God’s perfect love if I am enmeshed in a corrupt , sick relationship. So it’s not that you don’t deserve it, you just can’t see it. In order to see it, you’ll have to let go on some level to see the light.
None of this should be taken lightly, as in only reading this post and making a decision to leave a bad relationship, and using this post as your excuse. You should get help, seek counsel, be accountable, do all you can do. When you do, don’t ignore the signs, take responsibility for your own parts in a relationship, and proceed with accountability.
Problem is, I see people go through all the right steps and still stay bound up! If that’s you, take a closer look. You may need help in getting honest with yourself maybe for the first time in your life. It is possible. There is a way.
To finish for today, I wan’t to share a quote from a homeless man that I once new. His name was Nate. When he was homeless and addicted, people asked, “why don’t you try and get some help?” His answer: ” Because I never thought I would make it… I never chose it.” With our help at New York City Relief, he chose it and his life changed forever.
We must choose life… and that more abundantly… if we truly desire to be free.
Bill Hoffman/ Graphics by Canva Pro