Lots to forgive in my young life! I had no idea! I had layered down so much pain, betrayal, abandonment, rejection, lies etc. It was a cancer that desired to overtake my very existence! I had buried everything so deeply that I didn’t even know it was there. When I left home at 18 years old, I distinctly remember the thoughts I was thinking. One clearly rings out: “I will never have to deal with that craziness again!” Hahaha! Wrong! That craziness, like a U-Haul trailer, followed me. I opened myself up to outside counsel because I knew something wasn’t right, and my marriage was falling apart. I seriously couldn’t connect the dots between my past and my present issues. My counselor walked with me to excavate the rotten debris clogging up my entire being: body, soul, and spirit.
There are many aspects to this healing process that I will share in the future, but this one is so significant that it deserves center stage:
I held a trunkload of unforgiveness against my mom. I held her accountable for all the issues I faced as a child. I wasn’t outwardly disrespectful or angry and explosive, but inwardly, I was seething. I blamed her and held contempt in my heart. I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, trying to relieve the pressure and tension this unforgiveness produced. I developed skin issues and muscular dysfunctions. I was a hot mess!
I began this healing journey not knowing why I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually in pain. Once I began journaling and unearthing all this debris, things seemed to get worse. The anger against her began to surface. I stopped even speaking with her because I couldn’t stand to even be in the same space as her. Even her laugh grated on my nerves! My counselor took me on a forgiveness journey that lasted months. Every week we dug deeper and broke off the poisonous layers that were rotting my very being. Over time I reconnected with my mom. I called after months of dead silence with this phase, “Mom, life is too short.” I wrote her letters that I had forgiven her for stuff, but she never acknowledged her part. That didn’t matter. What mattered was that the cleansing of my heart was what opened up space for me to love her, even in her brokenness.
I will never forget the day I knew that breakthrough had come was when I went to visit her; as we talked, she laughed, and I enjoyed it. I chuckled to myself and left that day experiencing freedom. That was a miracle for me. Many other marvelous events took place after that chapter in my life. God had truly restored that relationship. On her last day here on earth, I sat at her bedside, held her hand, and asked her to forgive me for all my offenses. She couldn’t respond, but I knew that I needed to do this. Every time I recall my relationship with my mom, I thank God because He provided the perfect path to healing through forgiveness.
Do you have anyone who you need to forgive? EIS is here to provide a pathway through” The Process”, that can bring healing and open opportunities and clear the cluttered and clogged paths to freedom.
Anita Arrunategui-Canva Pro