Trauma and Abusive Relationships

Many times in my work in counseling, I find people in abusive relationships that they had a vital part in creating. It always takes two, but many times the brokenness, or trauma in one person, coupled with temperament propensities, (a combination of areas of brokenness), create a "neediness" in a person to have someone to... Continue Reading →

Abusive Relationships III

These of course are general and broad descriptions of forms of abuse. It gets deeper when you go deeper into the "techniques" and aspects of common forms of abuse. NarcissismVictimisationGaslightingEmotional Hostage TakingShamingNullificationDemoralizationDe-humanizationGuiltingCodependenceAnger/Rage The interesting thing about many of these tactics, is that they all have an element of Narcissism. It's all about the abuser. The... Continue Reading →

Abusive Relationships

For years I have worked with people in aggressive, passive aggressive, narcissistic and ultimately abusive relationships. Interestingly, I see more and more on Instagram, various therapists and individuals posting comments and quotes reflecting this reality. But when you work closely in a counseling relationship with people, you discover the depths of deep darkness that people... Continue Reading →

Acquiring Wisdom – Humility

Proverbs tells us: "Above all and before all, do this: Get Wisdom!    Write this at the top of your list: Get Understanding!" Proverbs 9:9 "Teach the wise, and they will become wiser. Instruct those who live right, and they will gain more knowledge." What's the key to acquiring wisdom? Humility. If I don't perceive that I... Continue Reading →

Victimism, Narcissism, and Entitlement

nar·cis·sist/ˈnärsəsəst/noun A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves."narcissists think the world revolves around them" Victim mentality: is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary... Continue Reading →

Defensiveness in Marriage and Relationships

Is it just us or does the statement, “Don’t get so defensive!” seem to have the same effect as when someone tells you, “Just try to relax!” In other words, it makes you feel the opposite of what’s intended – more defensive, less relaxed. Unfortunately, defensiveness can be a catalyst for negative communication patterns. It... Continue Reading →

Tolerance Vs. Grace

We tend to hold standards up for ourselves and others. Largely depending on temperament, the high standards we may set, will be more towards ourselves, or others first and more severely. In the context of working with others, it's tricky sometimes to hold a high standard and give grace to others when they don't meet... Continue Reading →

Paranoia vs. Peace

par·a·noi·a a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically elaborated into an organized system. It may be an aspect of chronic personality disorder, of drug abuse, or of a serious condition such as schizophrenia in which the person loses touch with reality. The word paranoia for me, immediately brings... Continue Reading →

Optimism

Dr. Nicole is absolutely right. Our world today is a quagmire of stress, fears, instability, division, unknowns, pandemics and more. In light of all this it's no wonder so many suffer from anxiety, depression, and many other forms of dysfunction and unhealthy patterns. But these elements alone should not hold us captive to those maladies.... Continue Reading →

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